Passive aggressive hobbies

According to Wikipedia, Backgammon is:

‘… a board game for two players in which the playing pieces are moved according to the roll of dice. Players win by removing all of their pieces from the board. There are many variants of backgammon, most of which share common traits. Backgammon is a member of the tables family, one of the oldest classes of board games in the world.

Although luck plays an important role, there is a large scope for strategy. With each roll of the dice players must choose from numerous options for moving their checkers and anticipate possible counter-moves by the opponent. Players may raise the stakes during the game. There is an established repertoire of common tactics and occurrences.’

Whatever. Backgammon is a passive aggressive game upon which the entire happiness of your relationship lightly and precariously, rests. And tonight we decided to play it.

Before we began we were quite excited. Quite pleased not to be the sorts of people who watch telly all night. Quite happy to be listening to Bob Dylan’s Theme Time Radio in the background (do you listen to that? You should. Here’s one), smug as we set up the pieces with their satisfying click-click on the board. And then something changed. A cold wind passed between us. We played only three games, during which the Suit’s competitive leg jiggled furiously. All suits have a competitive leg; it’s a ubiquitous condition among them, rarely discussed. He didn’t breath for at least the last half an hour, in fact he barely spoke. And, I’m happy to report, he didn’t win either.

I won. I fucking won. In your FACE, Suit.

You’ll be delighted to know that we’ve started talking again – smiling emoticon – on the proviso that I don’t bring up the current score (which has been recorded, stored and will form a context for everything for the rest of all time). I was also forbidden from running about the flat with my t shirt over my face. I did, in fact, do that quietly when he was brushing his teeth, but ran directly into the clothes horse by accident and then whimpered into bed suitably chastened.

This week the tournament continues. Chances are blood will be spilled before the month is out. Suit blood. Suit blood will gush freely from his weird competitive leg.