ElikaFM

Very much just another blog

Doughnuts and the House of Pain

with 7 comments

I have been craving a doughnut for six days now. Six whole days.  Cravings for me cannot be  satisfied until I have indulged in whichever food I am fantasising about. It might be an avocado, it might be a Thai curry. It might be any number of things. It’s probably a doughnut. And I don’t want just any kind of doughnut, I want a proper one. By proper I do not mean Krispy fucking Kremes. Whoever managed to get people to believe that those clumps of overly sweet grimness are in any way a joy to ingest is a very, VERY clever person. And by clever person, I mean maniac.

You know what I think it is? I think it’s those blokes in agencies who come striding into the office in the morning with a box of Krispy Kremes over their shoulder like they’re some kind of sugar sharing hero. It’s the power of suggestion; it’s the idea that if your boss feeds you Krispy Kremes he cares more about you then if he brought a bag of 29p donuts from Sainsburys. How wrong can you be, Boss? How very wrong? Krispy Kreme suck all manner of tremendous arse. 29p doughnuts from Sainsburys are indisputably brilliant. And I want one.

Now. 29p is not all that needs to be paid when purchasing any sort of doughnut. You also have to do something like exercise in order to remove said doughy goodness from a potentially doughy arse. And so, as a pre-emptive strike, the Suit and I went to the House of Pain (or ‘gym’, if you’re some sort of fanatic). Before hand we promised each other that the gym was not a competition; it was neither useful nor sensible to see who could run furthest fastest. I mean, where would that stop? And I’m a smoker. I’d DIE. On a fucking treadmill. It doesn’t bear thinking about.

We were, you’ll be pleased to know, fairly restrained, focussing instead on the  miniature tellies they attached to their instruments of pain and enjoying first Backstreet Boys and then Take That’s Back for Good. Back. For. Good. I loved it , but you try running and laughing. It’s impossible. Especially during that bit towards the end where Robbie’s on his knees in the rain, and then Howard is. You never see Gary on his knees, do you? That’s because he wouldn’t be able to get up. Too many fucking doughnuts. I remained upright for the whole of my run. 4 kilometres. Count them. You only need one hand and not even all of that. But FOUR kilometres is loads. I reckon it’s TWO doughnuts at least. So, I’m off to get them. The Suit can’t have one, he’s still running; competitive streak.

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Written by elikafm

November 25, 2009 at 12:22 pm

7 Responses

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  1. Jump up jump and get doughnut.

    If I think of Krispy Kreme as doughnuts I find them odd. If I just see them as snacks they are like crack only more addictive.

    Sainsbury’s one are however excellent.

    Rob Mortimer

    November 25, 2009 at 1:23 pm

  2. Bloody donuts.

    McMucca

    November 25, 2009 at 1:31 pm

  3. I fucking well can have a doughnut. And I’m gonna. Watch me.

    Can I quickly point out how much I hate people who spell it ‘donut’? Thank you for indulging me.

    That is all.

    Adland Suit

    November 25, 2009 at 2:41 pm

  4. I don’t really hate people who spell it ‘donut’. But then I’m one of those people who bring in boxes of Krispy Kremes, so I’m probably not qualified to comment at all.

    Adland Suit

    November 25, 2009 at 4:21 pm

  5. I have loved doughnuts all my life. more than you elika. Krispy Kremes are corporate rubbish.

    justin

    November 26, 2009 at 2:19 pm

    • I KNOW! The devil made them in his very own kitchen. Bastard devil. I will buy you a PROPER doughnut.

      elikafm

      November 26, 2009 at 2:20 pm

      • I want a proper doughnut NOW

        justin

        November 26, 2009 at 5:14 pm


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