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Someone has shut the door finally. I had already left the room but there’s nothing like the sound of a slam behind you to drop kick you in the heart and force you to know that there is no going back, whether you want to or not. Ahead is a web of roads. I have tried many already and, on finding dead ends and twisted tangleweed and smells I couldn’t stomach or tastes that were sour and pinched to swallow, I came back to begin again. Behind the door is the tap tap of a life gone by that was glorious and let me down and could have been but wasn’t. Ahead I can smell a maybe but I’ve trusted those before and look where I am now; gaping into the darkness and trying, truthfully, to find my way alone. I am not afraid, though I have been; I won’t break, though I have done; my blood strides in pulses: God bless the body that works though I challenge that too from time to time.

Here I am walking down a path that looks the same as paths I have walked before. Monotony drives me crazy and I can see the cut off and a dead end but I keep walking and I’m moving faster now and when I come to it I don’t stop but trip up on my heels and push with my might and I have touched the top edge with my fingertips. I climb over. Yes, I fucking do. Climb over too, if you like, you who can hear me, or know me, or care. Or turn back and mark your path to the beginning. I don’t want to see that door anymore. I don’t want to go back again and again. I will keep on walking.


Written by elikafm

May 8, 2010 at 9:02 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

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